Lights On or Lights Off?
Do you have a preference during sex?
It's often said men are more visual than women, and so the assumption is that males always prefer lights-on sex, while women, who are said to be less visual and have more shyness/hangups about their bodies, always prefer lights off.
The topic came up in a discussion I was having the other day, and my first instinct was to say I prefer lights off, or very dim lighting in dark rooms (candles, fireplaces, other low lights that cast shadows and make the room glow). This is not so much to do with not being visual or being shy as that I like the moods these darkened environments evoke. When a room is entirely dark, there is a secret, clandestine, even slightly dangerous feel that heightens one's senses and arousal. Not being able to see where you will be touched next and knowing your partner can't predict what he'll feel next from you is a very seductive, exciting state of mind. And low lighting in an otherwise dark room has a romantic, warm, loving feel to it that can add a lot of emotion to the sexual interaction. Plus, such lighting makes the lines and curves of your lover's body--and your own--seem soft, inviting, and luminous, and that can be very appealing and can make you feel very sexy.
But after having that first impulse, I realized that while I am attracted to darkness during sex as a mood, I don't really *prefer* it to be dark. I'm not afraid of or turned off by sex in the light. In fact, some of the greatest sexual moments I've had have happened during full daylight hours. And during those moments, I don't remember once wishing it were dark instead. I enjoy seeing the totality of my lover's body in the light, stretched out before me, allowing me to decide exactly what I want to touch, lick, caress, tease, etc. next. I like being able to see the look in his eyes, the changes in his face as his desire takes hold, his skin (and other key areas) reacting to touch, his muscles stretching and contracting as he moves. Though I do sometimes get shy, I also like seeing him looking at me and enjoying what he's looking at. And I love the feel of riding my lover in full daylight, with the sun and morning air stirring all around us. I feel bright and powerful and energetic and full of hope. As opposed to the sexy clandestine nature of the dark, this is an entirely different kind of sexy. This is me and that man saying, This is us, world. Look at us. Look at how we move. We're beautiful together.
So, on second thought, is either a preference? Not really. I like both, and I like to mix them up, depending on what mood I'm in, what locale I'm in, and what time of day it is. When it comes down to it, any of it is good, so long as I'm getting to have sex with someone I want to have sex with. But one thing I DID realize when thinking about it is that it seems it's not a light room I mind so much as extremely UNNATURAL lighting. I like sex in natural daylight. I like sex in the dark or with luminous "mood lighting." But the mental image of sex under harsh florescent bulbs, for instance--THAT gives me the shudders. It feels...institutional, clinical. Plus it makes bodies look somehow green and tired. Yuck.
So I'll have a little light, a little dark, and a little chiarooscuro in my sex life. But no industrial lighting, please. (Guess that means I'm not a good candidate to become a porn actress, eh?)
So how about you? Your preference for sex: lights on, lights off, or other? And in your experience, do you think this preference does skew by gender, or is that just a myth?
Comments (13)
I'm with you- a mix of lighting. I don't need complete darkness, but lots of candles are one of my favorites! You can see everything, but softened and erotic... A hint of mystery without the harshness that sometimes comes with full daylight
1. Posted by DevilBlueDress on March 13, 2007
Pretty much to a one - well, not *quite* to a one but mostly - teh best sex I've ever had has been daylight hours, natral lighting.
I don't know if that has anything to do with lighting, or just with when I'm at my physical peak.
But in any case, while great sex in the dark is cool, I really want to see my partner. Facial expressions, body; I'm very much about all the senses and with one gone, it's like 1/5 of the sexual experience is removed.
I've one 1, 2 3, 4, 5 senses working overtime...
2. Posted by Elvis on March 13, 2007
My preference for sex-in-the-dark is pretty much entirely rooted in the fact that for a long time the sight of an erect man was a flashback trigger.
It's only been in the last few years that I've been able to appreciate the distinctions that you make -- and I do appreciate them all. It's an interesting balance.
3. Posted by Darkhawk on March 13, 2007
I agree, a mix of them all, expect for the artificial light. It made me think however, that the Lady and I haven't made love in total darkness yet, gonna have to try that as soon as we can.
Made me think of something else, an old quote I heard once, "What's the different between Porn and Erotica?"
"The lighting." :)
4. Posted by ArtfulDodger on March 13, 2007
What's the different between Porn and Erotica?
Erotica drinks tea with it's pinky raised.
5. Posted by Elvis on March 13, 2007
Lights on, with a similar prefence for ambient lighting, but I don't like darkness -- I want to see the other person. Sensory deprivation doesn't do it for me. In my experience, all men prefer lights, and women who are enthusiastic about sex like lights. OTOH, women who I've heard bitch about having to have sex prefer lights off.
6. Posted by Hiromi on March 13, 2007
clicked over from Ray's page..
I have to say, I just like sex. Doesn't matter if the lights are on or off, I just want sex. And it's not like I have a super hot body that I want to show off, believe me, lots of parts I'd rather keep hidden, but thankfully sex is good enough to make me not even care. (well, I care a little, but he doesn't care, so why should I make it an issue?)
7. Posted by melanie on March 14, 2007
Natural light, candle light especially, and low light. I'm with Karl on this, the darkness takes away from the expierence, but this was how my wife usually wanted it. I love candle light for lots of reasons though, good memories there.
8. Posted by Fusion on March 14, 2007
No industrial lighting, and no to total darkness. Anything in between is fine. A mix is better. With so much said within the eyes and facial expressions alone, in darkness there seems to me at least, much to be missed. The golden glow of low light accentuates this even further.
9. Posted by Ryder on March 14, 2007
DevilBlueDress: Yep, there's nothing like a little firelight to heat things up...
Karl Elvis: While great sex in the dark is cool, I really want to see my partner
So I guess that means you wouldn't be into being blindfolded...?
Art and Karl Elvis: I always thought it was that erotica used them big fancy words.
Hiromi: I'm enthusiastic about sex, and I don't really prefer lights on more than off. But I can see if someone were unenthusiastic about sex why they might not want to see too much.
Melanie: Yeah, that's pretty much my stance when it comes down to it. Plus, when I get going, I tend to forget everything else. I lose most inhibitions and all self-consciousness when I'm having really good sex, so lights on or off doesn't *really* matter. Sometimes it helps with the "warm up," though, if I'm in a particular kind of mood.
Fusion: Candlelight is good. For non-sex reasons, too. Sometimes I just enjoy having candles lit.
Ryder: Thanks for weighing in. Looks like the "lights on" to "neutral" people are taking this contest so far...
10. Posted by Miss Syl on March 15, 2007
Looks like I'm part of the majority. I prefer lights on for the most part...but no industrial lights. One small lamp, some candles, or natural daylight...yeah that works. I want to see my partner and enjoy the senses that are evoked by those visuals. Yum.
11. Posted by Drama on March 15, 2007
Hmm....I need/like/want some light. Candles, shadows, etc. I love to see what's going on.
At the same time, I love a good blindfold session...so...???...
12. Posted by Gillette on March 16, 2007
i definitely prefer lights on. darkness is different from blindfolding -- if it's pitch-dark i pretty much feel like i'm trying to "hide" something "dirty," which is not at all what i want to feel like when i'm having sex!
one of my favorite things to do, having sex on the second floor, is to turn out all the lights in the room and then open the window-blinds. the streetlamps and moon and stars let in enough ambient light for me, and once my eyes adjust, it's a lot nicer than full light.
13. Posted by a. angel on March 16, 2007